Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Love too Much?

Is it possible to love someone too much? When he has a good day it's like a big burst of sunlight that fills me up. When he has a bad day it's like my world falls apart. I need to learn how to change that. How do you do this? Someone tell me. I need to learn. Seriously. It's disruptive to life, marriage, everything.

So, my pediatrician (who I think I'm going to fire) is out of town so another Dr. called me back and I told him my shpeal and all little Tofer's symptoms - including the poor little guy reeking of acid all the time and he didn't even question me, gave me a prescription for Zantac. So, I guess I was right. Anyone have experience with Zantac?? TALK to me.

Before putting a five week old baby on meds I want to exhaust other avenues so I'm trying Soy Formula in case he has an allergy to milk protein. If it doesn't work I'll try one that doesn't have the soy or the milk protein (apparently they are usually allergic to both, if one). If that doesn't work I'll probably take the meds so he doesn't end up with surgery from the acid burning his esophagus, like some babies. Ugh. I hate that he hurts.

Tonight he gets a blessing from Dad. It isn't fair for life to suck so bad for such a little guy. And can you believe that face? It makes me want to cry just looking at it. He's so stinkin cute. Love this baby.

P.S. Breastmilk is the goal. Dr gave me prescription meds to build that up too. I hate meds. I'm trying to decide if I should take it or not. I want to get him on total breastmilk!!

P.P.S. The Cranial Sacral Therapist was actually very interesting and he came home relaxed and happy. Slept for like 5.5 hours which is a big deal over here.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My poor baby

Today I'm very sad and tired. I realized something about my baby. Yes, he has some gas but that is not the reason for most of his crying. After SEVERAL and I mean SEVERAL hours of researching and reading and watching Kristofer closely I am 95% sure that he has Silent Reflux. Didn't even know what that was until I started doing research about all his symptoms.

It is a SAD thing and really painful and today when he shrieked in pain and I knew what was causing it, I just cried. Most babies grow out of it by a year, some a few months, some never. They have prescription meds to help with the burning acid. I'm going to try to find a cranial sacral therapist for him and a Pediatric Gastroenterologist.

In a way, I'm grateful for the stupid pediatrician who told me I had a rotten baby because the truth is, he's not. He's adorable and his temperment is actually really sweet so when the Doctor said that I realized that something was wrong.

I'm very sad. That's all I have to say.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Tofer and his buddies. Yep, that's him in the middle. Not sleeping peacefully, like his friends. No, no - he was alive and lively. Likes to know what's goin on. And he had to be removed from the photoshoot early, due to a crying spell.
In fact, yesterday I was talking to the pediatrician about his schedule which goes something like this: sleep, eat, cry (occasional alert moments of peace intermingled). So he has a lot of gas.
I was told in so many words that some babies with gas cry a lot and some don't AND because my baby cries a lot he is, in essence, rotten. And then he blamed his genes. Hello. Ha!
My baby is darling, thank you very much.
P.S. My mother informed me that he actually isn't bad at all because he is always consolable (which is true, we just have to bounce him or distract him, etc.) But it does seem like we spend a lot of time trying to console him :) So tell me. What is normal????

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ignorance is bliss

Yea so NEWS FLASH people. You cannot cure GAS in babies.

You can help...

Ok, let me rephrase. I meant, SOMETIMES you can help...

P.S. And without curing gas, there is also no cure for insanity caused by sleep deprivation.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Happy One Month, Mr. T

Kristofer David Sundberg

Little Tofer (or Mr. T, as Kris affectionately likes to call him) turned one month today.
Holy cow, I survived a month of this. Week one and two were so hard and then I started getting more used to sleep deprivation and nursing stopped feeling like someone was sticking pins in me - seriously.
Well, a few days ago he decided to sleep until 2:30 and then wake up every hour and cry at almost every waking moment (painful gas). Ugh. Very sad. And really overwhelming. I literally sat there from 2:30 am on, and watched the sun come up just holding him and trying to help him feel better (for three days in a row). Gave me LOTS of time for internet research on the subject.

Turms out, switching to more gentle formula and using Dr. Browns bottles made all the difference in the world! He is sleeping soundly again and he is so much happier. Aaah life is good again :)

Today he smiled at me. Cutest thing I have EVER seen.

P.S. Nursing continues to be a project. I got rid of the ridiculous tubes and decided to nurse, supplement with formula (in a bottle), and pump. You can't imagine my joy when I pumped three measly ounces. The things that excite me these days... Goal is to feed him breastmilk every day, whatever I can give.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Maternal Fashion

Adult diapers and bathrobes...this is as good as it gets the first week, folks.

How lucky is Kris?
P.S. Week #2 I graduated to large t-shirts and sweats. I figure Kris's visiting family probably appreciates the gesture. I even flat ironed my hair today. A major feat. I'm totally haggard looking still but Kris has been dealing with so much worse the past two weeks that I woke up from a nap today to him just sitting there staring at me, lovingly. Hahaha. Oh that poor man. Very cute. Very cute.

Little Sucker


Ok so someone PLEASE give me a worse nursing story so I don't give up altogether. Or motivation, something, please!!

It all started in the hospital when he wouldn't latch and wasn't getting anything. So then my milk didn't come in very well. They told me to supplement with formula.

So here's how it goes. Bottle around my neck with tubes coming out from the bottom which I TAPE to my nipples and he sucks on me and the tube at the same time. This way he gets my milk and the formula at the same time. He eats a lot. More than I make, apparently.

This is a pain because I can't just pick him up and feed him. I have to get the formula ready, clean the bottle, fill it up with new stuff, TAPE myself up, blah blah blah.

Last week. KILLED. Blood blisters all over my nipples. Yes, you read that right. He has a mean suck. Picture me sitting there crying while he is nursing. This week the pain is MUCH less as he's latching on better BUT still eats 4 ounces from the attached cow udders every time he eats. They say he's supposed to wean himself as more milk comes in??? It's been a pain. Literally. And he doesn't seem to be weaning. He's eating more formula all the time. Alas, I have a pump I should probably put to more use to get more milk. Sitting there pumping is very attractive....bestial at best. Gotta love it.

He's still cute though. Love this kid. Blood blisters and all.

I'm a zombie mess of a person. I would LOVE to blog more often but any spare moment is usually a choice. Do I shower? Do I eat? Do I sleep? And that, folks, is life right now.